Balance

Okay so I have been thinking, I need to do something that will better myself, something that helps me feel like I am accomplishing something. I feel that through getting married and having a baby I do less things for myself, spending my time on everyone else or wasting it by doing a lot of nothings. 

In high school I was involved in sports and have always found ways to continue playing them, but I have relized I haven't played much sense being pregnant and having Ollie. I worked and now I stay home. I stayed up late hanging out with friends, reading or doing whatever and now I am lucky to make it to 11. I love being a stay at home mom, I love watching my 1 year old grow. It is one of the most amazing things to be a mom and I would never want anything different. 

I am a wife and a mother, but I am so much more. I need to take more time for myself, to find things that make me a better person. I compare myself to what I used to do, to what I do now and feel as though I am not fulfilling my full potential. 

So basically I am saying that I want to push myself to do more. To play sports, to cook more, to exercise, to keep up on cleaning the house, to gain more hobbies, making more friends and being more social, to get involved in the world around me and still be a great stay at home mom. 

I am not sure how I am going to do this yet but I am determined to find ways to make my life feel more balanced. Are there ways that you have found that help you feel more balanced? Well wish me luck!

Acceptance

Wow it has been a while sense I have been on here! With it being winter we just haven't done much that I have wanted to write about.  I have been feeling like what I do with my time is lame. No one wants to read about the lame day to day, same old boring things that a stay at home mom does. What I wanted to do with this blog is to just write about anything and everything, the same old boring day to day things. So it seems that I am just being to critical with wanting my posts to be awesome, I did this for me and not for who reads it. So no more being critical and judging myself to harshly. I will be better! 

So on the note of being better I am going to write about the thing I am struggling with the most, My body! When we got married in December 2010 I weighed 130, at my last Doctors appointment when I was pregnant June 2012 I weighed 209, and now March 2014 I weigh 155. I have lost about 60 of the 80 lbs that I gained and would really love to lose the rest of it. But the weight is only part of it. 

The weight I gained while being pregnant was a quick gain which of course gave me stretch marks everywhere. And my stomach was pretty much stretched to the max so now I have a lot of stretched out skin. The birth ended up needing to be a c-section giving me a scar and a pouch that will probably never go away. 

So I am struggling with these feelings of not being pretty or sexy. I have a pretty bad muffin top, which is hard for me to find a shirt that looks good on me. So I put on shirt after shirt, getting more discouraged and having more negative feelings about myself. Some days I feel great, self accepting and I look pretty.  On these days I think it is more, state of mind then my actual appearance. 

So on being less harsh and judgemental on myself, I want to be more accepting on me as a whole. To like me as a person and view myself as whole and not fat, ugly and broken. To accept myself on who I am and not how I look, to find talents and hobbies that better myself, to eat healthy and exercise, to be HAPPY!